If you somehow stumbled across this blog..... consider yourself lucky. Who am I? I am the guy who just saved your life. I survived the zombie apocalypse. I was rewarded with secrets and powers beyond your wildest dreams. Why am I back? To save your ass from certain zombie death.
Consider it a test. If you follow this guide and do exactly as I say, you too will survive in the end. This is it. This is the LAST time to get it right. The Earth has been through several zombie apocalypses before. Every time..... complete and total devastation. NOTHING survived. Eventually, humans were reborn to try again....and again... and again....
Guess what, faggots? This time someone got it right. ME! For my efforts I was given the choice to
A) enjoy the earth and all of its wonders for eternity....alone
or
B) Relive this shit again with all of my secrets and possibly save a few lives in the process.
Guess what? I like women. Though the Earth all to myself sounded like a great time..... solo satisfaction didn't sound quite as appealing (that means I didn't want to jerk it every day for you idiots out there)So, given the fact that women read more than men, I am banking on the chance that a few will make it.
So here is the deal:
I am going to start from the beginning. Once a week I will post either some helpful advice or some specific events that lead up to the zombie apocalypse and how YOU can survive it.
Think you've seen this before? BULLSHIT! I lived it. I survived it. I owned it, son.
Now, sit back, buckle up, and follow me on what will be the most important blog you will EVER read.
Don't believe me? Don't think you need to FOLLOW this blog? Then you are already dead..... TWICE. Nobody, and I mean nobody needs to die that horrific death twice.
Be smart, homos. It's your life.
Until next time, this is Gunner Kolton saying "Stay tuned. Next week will blow your mind!"
